Why my INFJ writing group failed
I started an INFJ writing group because you read more than any other type, you think in essays, and every INFJ I’ve ever coached has a document somewhere — a draft, a pitch, a half-book — that they describe to me like it’s contraband. So a writing group seemed obvious.
But nobody came.
I mean, some people came. But every other week I watched attendance shrink, and I kept scheduling the next one anyway. But eventually I realized I’d designed a writing group for the wrong part of writing. The writing you care about happens alone, at odd hours, after you’ve been mulling over an idea for three weeks. Asking an INFJ to write live is like asking an INFJ to have their feelings live.
Also, I look at the open rates for these posts (very high) and the comment rate (relatively low). Which reminds me about another INFJism: You want to be among people saying things that are real and challenging, but you want to listen and contemplate until you’re moved to join.
In retrospect, the writing group taught me exactly what I wanted to learn about INFJs. Just not in the way I expected.
So the last night of the writing group is tonight. What replaces it: every other week we’ll discuss one post - usually the one that made people the most uncomfortable. If you want to push back, push back. Camera off? That’s not lurking, that’s the format.
The post we’re starting with is the one about how INFJs confuse being understood with being loved — because the comments on that one stopped just short of where the real conversation starts, and I want to see what happens when we don’t stop.
"the writing you care about happens alone."
It takes me weeks, sometimes, to work up to the "publish" button. Writing live? 😲 Lol.
Good effort, though. INFJ's need support. We're so busy supporting others, we sometimes don't get enough ourselves.
Thank you. Curious to see where this goes! Cheers!
"You want to be among people saying things that are real and challenging, but you want to listen and contemplate until you’re moved to join."
This affects my participation in live groups as well. Being moved to join is challenging for me because I'm listening to and thinking about what the person talking is saying, so I lose track of what I want to say, or don't think of what that is for awhile because I'm busy thinking about what others are saying. I often have a reluctance to post like this, and have to choose past that reluctance, so it's not just live groups that pose me a challenge. Some of it is me wondering "Is what I want to say really that important?"
"Asking an INFJ to write live is like asking an INFJ to have their feelings live."
I found this a lot of fun. Maybe because I hadn't been in a writing group before and I had some stuff about which I wanted to write. I'd like to be better at remembering what people had read aloud, so I could make better comments; that's what I would like about a written and verbal writing group, with a transcript of what's just been read aloud available so I can refer to it when I'm commenting about the stuff I forgot while listening.